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One Watson, One Holmes/Transcript
Petros Franken: Sherlock Holmes? Sherlock Holmes: Do I know you? Franken: Kind of. We've talked. Holmes: No, we haven't. Franken: No, not like, in person. Can I tell you about it inside? I feel kind of exposed out here. Holmes: You cannot chew gum in my home. Franken: Seriously? Holmes: Do I look like I'm joking? Franken: You sick or something? Holmes: Training myself to mimic death. It's an activity best done uninterrupted, by the way. Franken: Okay, I don't just go around telling people this I'm Sucking Chest Wound. From Everyone. I'm the guy who made you go to that Twilight convention. You seriously don't remember me? I'm sort of important. Holmes: Mr. Chest Wound, what is it you want? Franken: Okay, so I don't know if you know this or not, but right now we're having, like, a civil war. Holmes: Everyone? Franken: Two sides fighting for the soul of the collective. Did you just roll your eyes? Holmes: No. Carry on. Franken: On one side you've got a group pretty much led by me. We like Everyone the way it is. We're pranksters, we don't have an ideology. We help the people we wanna help, hurt the people we wanna hurt. On like, a case-by-case basis. The other side follows this guy Species. They want us to become a straight-up political movement. That means establishing parameters, aligning with the left, going against the right. Holmes: And you see my role in this as what, exactly? Franken: I'm trying to get docs on Species. You know? Dig into him, find out who he really is. If I can learn that, I can find stuff to embarrass him. My side wins. I haven't had any luck yet. You're, you know, a detective. Joan Watson: Hey, I'll be back in a bit. Holmes: Uh, just one moment, if you please. Mr. Chest Wound, I'm afraid I can't help you. Franken: I can pay. Holmes: No, that's not the issue. The internecine struggles of a group of emotionally stunted self-styled activists interest me not one iota. Holmes: So in my haste to get away from Sucking Chest Wound, I neglected to ask you what I'm helping you with. Watson: You know Connie, right? She's our neighbor, she lives two doors down. Her daughter Emmanuelle is getting bullied online. She asked if I could look into it. Holmes: You've determined that the offending messages are coming from those computers and you're here to confront the sender? Watson: Close. I'm not sure how much confronting there's going to be. These are the message from the bully and these are Emmanuelle's public posts. Holmes: Well, the patterns of speech, the misspelling...these are written by the same person. She's sending the messages to herself. Watson: If I'm right, I don't want to tattle on her. She wants attention from her parents but she has to get it without driving them crazy with worry. Holmes: How are you? Watson: How am I? Holmes: Well, I thought perhaps that silence was awkward so I was attempting to fill it. Watson: You get that we're in a library, right? Holmes: I see other people talking. Typically you're the one who lubricates these moments with conversation, so... Watson: Well, I'm good if you are. Watson: You know, you've been down here for five hours. Holmes: Have I? They have a good collection of books on metallurgy. Watson: You might wanna check some of them out. We're almost through here. Holmes: That's the neighbor's daughter? Your theory was correct. Watson: I'm gonna go talk to her. I'll come find you when I'm done. Holmes (phone): Detective? Detective Bell (phone): Hey, I'm at the scene of a murder, and it looks like you might have some kind of connection to the victim. Holmes (phone): Sorry? Bell (phone): Well, this guy's computer...his wallpaper's a picture of you wearing a dress? Bell: The victim's name is Errol White. No sign of forced entry, so maybe he let his killer in. As far as the murder weapon goes, I'm thinking it was a little samurai sword. Those stab wounds are deep and those displays always have two swords on them, right? A big one and a little one. Holmes: The wakizashi is missing. Well observed. Bell: Obviously this guy spent a lot of time in front of the computer so our tech guy's been digging around. I guess he posts to a lot of websites using the name "Species"? You've heard of him. Holmes: He's a member of the hacker collective Everyone. They occasionally force me to humiliate myself in exchange for information. Hence the wallpaper you saw. Bell: You find something? Holmes: We have a suspect. I can give you a description. I could also give you a name, after a fashion. The young man that we seek calls himself Sucking Chest Wound. Watson: Hey. Thought this place was camera-free now. Holmes: Inside, not out. I'm looking for footage of Sucking Chest Wound that I can send to the police. Watson: Well, you could send it to Mason, right? I mean, he's got that facial-recognition software. Holmes: Mason is currently grounded from the Internet. Watson: So why would this guy come here, ask you to find someone named Species and then murder him at the end of the day? Holmes: Perhaps it wasn't a planned killing. Perhaps he doesn't wanna hire me, he just wanted someone affiliated with the police to think he didn't know who Species was. Watson: Why are those guys bringing a python into the house? Holmes: It's gone now. Problem? Watson: No, it's nothing. It's just my friend Marnie from medical school. She's getting married and even though none of us are 22, she's having a bachelorette party. She says it's just an excuse for us to get together so we're gonna meet tomorrow and plan. It involves a lot of texts. Holmes: Sounds like you'd rather do anything else. Watson: No, she's a friend. It'll be good to see her. I'll get in the spirit eventually. Oh. Is that him? What are you looking for now? Holmes: That. Watson: So you wanna ID him through his gum. Don't you already have a DNA sample? Holmes: The hair I found yielded no matches in CODUS, but if we can match it to the gum, then we'll be able to confirm that both came from Sucking Chest Wound. Watson: "Boys In The Woods, Cable TV." What are these? Holmes: Look at the last phrase. Watson: "Encore - I.O.U." They're names of songs. It's a setlist. What are these in the margins? Holmes: Not a clue. But we may have more than a second DNA sample here. If we can attribute these songs to a musician, we might be able to identify our man by means other than genetic. Watson: Hey. What are you doing down here? But how can you tell if Clyde likes it or not? Holmes: It's really obvious if you know what to look for. This particular song is by a group called Fol Chen, and its title is "I.O.U." Watson: Well, that's the encore in the set list Sucking Chest Wound threw away. Holmes: After you went to bed last night, I realized that the notes on this paper referred to volume knobs on a soundboard. For one song, the bass needs to be louder. For another, it's the drums. Sucking Chest Wound works as a sound engineer. Watson: So if we can find a club where Fol Chen played this set recently, we can figure out where he works. Holmes: These songs were played in this order at a club in Williamsburg three days ago. The proprietor gave me the name of their sound engineer. Petros Franken. Watson: Sucking Chest Wound. Holmes: Gave his name to Detective Bell. Mr. Franken has just been taken in for questioning. Franken: I didn't kill Species. Of course, I didn't. I didn't even know who he was until you guys arrested me. Bell: Works out pretty well for you if we believe that. But come on, Petros, he had your hair on his clothes. Franken: I told you, I never even met him. Bell: You sent him death threats. "I wish I could put cancer and Ebola into a cannon and shoot them at you and your whole family." Franken: That's just how we talk. Bell: I got 40 more pages of this stuff. Quote, "I will disembowel you and your entire life. DIAF." Holmes: Your friendships continue to present a nuisance. Watson: Turns out an ironic bachelorette party requires just as much back-and-forth as a real one. I'm just gonna turn it on silent. Bell: We're going through all your stuff right now. If we find anything else that ties you to the murder, you lose your window to cooperate. Franken: How could I cooperate? I didn't do it. When did Species die? Exactly. Bell: The ME puts the time of death between 7 and 8:30 last night. Franken: Oh, thank God. I was with Mockingbird. She left my place at like, 7:30. Bell: Let me guess. She's in Everyone too? Franken: Her real name is Rachel Carter. She hangs around the chat boards. I'm a big deal in the group. I think she was impressed by that. We traded private messages, started flirting, she came over for a while last night. And we were, you know... Bell: You can say "having sex." We're both adults. Franken: She works on Wall Street. Go see her, she'll tell you. Rachel Carter: Ew. No, I'm not sleeping with Petros, come on. Bell: So he wasn't with you last night? Rachel: No. Look, he's a funny guy. We've exchanged a few messages. Some of them were even flirty. Maybe he thought I'd say we were together because of that. Holmes: Miss Carter, you're an investment banker yet you're a member of Everyone? Rachel: I'm not a member. I go to the boards where they hang out sometimes. It's fun, you get to be somebody else for a while. Holmes: Surely your employers would take issue with your affiliation to an activist group which sometimes espouses an anti-capitalist agenda. Rachel: What's your point? Do you think that I'm lying? Holmes: Well in my experience, investment bankers are very good at concealing untruths. Rachel: You already know that I post to the boards. You can tell my boss if you want. If I was with Petros, why not just admit it? Bell: CSU just finished processing Petros Franken's car. They found some blood in the trunk. Looks like it's a match for the victim. Rachel: Can I go? Bell: So I guess that's that. Emily Hankins: You did. She showed up with no pants on, I remember. Okay, wait. Marnie, on a scale of one to ten how dumb are we gonna get with this? Marnie: Oh, um, what's 10? Emily: I don't even know. I feel like the scale's probably moved since the last time I did this. Okay, let's say strippers? Katherine: Oh, no. Marnie: What's five? Emily: Five would be like a nice dinner, a couple extra drinks... Katherine: Five sounds about right. Emily: Okay, but we have to embarrass Marnie at least once. Marnie: No, come on. Katherine: Yes. Emily: You have it coming. Marnie: Girls. Emily: Everything okay? Watson: Uh, yeah. I just got a text from Sherlock. He just found a suspect in this case we're working. Kind of can't let this go. Marnie: No problem. Watson: I'm so sorry. Emily: Bummer. Marnie: All right. Watson: I'll call you guys later? Katherine: Good luck. Holmes: You're home earlier than I expected. Watson: Yeah, I ducked out. I wasn't really in the spirit. What are you doing? Holmes: Just awaiting a visitor. Ms. Carter. Please come in. I wasn't entirely satisfied with Ms. Carter's flat denial of Petros Franken's alibi. Didn't make any sense. Why was he so genuinely relieved to send us to talk to her? Bit of digging revealed that Ms. Carter only goes by the name Rachel Carter in her professional life. In her private life, she goes by the name Rachel Eddings. Her married name. Watson: You denied you were with Petros, not to save face with your employers but to save face from your husband. Telling the truth meant you had to admit to having an affair... Rachel: Stop. I was going to tell you people anyway. I lied because I was panicked. But I can't let Petros rot in prison. I was at his apartment that night. I left around 7:30. Watson: So he's innocent. He didn't commit the murder. Holmes: I'm inclined to agree with you, Watson. Petros was framed. Franken: I told you I didn't do it. When can I get out of here? Holmes: Unfortunately, Mockingbird's recantation of her earlier lie is not enough to overcome the physical evidence against you. In order to secure your release, we must prove your innocence. Better still, prove someone else's guilt, so who had motive and opportunity to kill Species and frame you? Franken: You gotta understand, I've helped hack some pretty dangerous people. The CIA, the KKK, hell, we went after ISIS. Holmes: If those groups wanted you dead, then you would be dead but you are alive. Errol "Species" White is the one lying in a refrigerated drawer. He was the target, you're a patsy. Franken: A patsy? Holmes: You're a well-known philosophical rival of Species. The question is not, who wants to hurt you? But rather, who had motive to kill him? There are several principal lines of inquiry when it comes to determining a motive for a murder. There's "cherchez la femme." Look to the woman. Do you remember him posting about any toxic romantic entanglements? Franken: Rule 57 of the Internet, you will never have sex. I'm the exception. Pretty sure Species wasn't getting any. Like, ever. Holmes: Another line of inquiry is "Qui bono." Who benefits? AKA "follow the money." Could anyone profit from Species' death, financially or otherwise? Franken: Species' stash. It's something he mentioned in Inner Sanctum. That's a chat room for, like, Everyone's top people. Serious hackers, people who control big-time botnets. We act as like a steering committee for Everyone. Holmes: Species' stash? Franken: He said he had this stash of data he'd snagged over the years just to prove he could, stuff that would blow our minds. He said he had millions of credit card numbers, complete with passwords and socials. On the dark web, those numbers would sell for 8 figures, easy. That's motive, right? Follow the money. Watson: Is that a rainbow coming out of that unicorn's butt? Holmes: Yeah. That is the online profile picture of Pony Pyew Pyew, member of Everyone's Inner Sanctum and one of the finest hackers in the world. He is also, according to my analysis of his online profile, a resident of Goiania, Brazil, who has never traveled more than 50 miles from his home. Watson: So not our killer. Holmes: I've also ruled out Twithead, Adramelech and Coldcomfort. None of them has ever set foot in New York. Droopsnout suffers from Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy and is incapable of having stabbed Errol White to death. Watson: What about KillSpree? Holmes: Uniquely, he doesn't keep his identity a secret. Maynard Lim lives in Kuala Lumpur and is the billionaire creator of a popular phone game called "Flutter Crow." To him, a collection of credit card numbers would mean nothing. Watson: Which leaves us with eight unidentified members of Everyone's Inner Sanctum. Holmes: All of whom are proving extremely difficult to unmask. Watson: What's up with Munkey Versus Shark? Holmes: Munkey Versus Shark, I suspect, has ADHD. He changes his profile picture constantly, sometimes up to three times a day. Watson: Look at this last one. Some kind of motorcycle. Holmes: That's a Ducati 1199 Superleggera, and he's put the word "MINE" on top of it. Watson: Well, it could be a kid's fantasy. Or maybe someone made a lot of money, bought themselves a treat. I'll call Marcus, see if he can track down recent purchases of limited-edition Italian motorcycles. Bell: Caleb Hill. N.Y.P.D. Caleb Hill: Are you guys here about the guy who cut me off? I'm totally gonna sue. Watson: You drove your brand-new Ducati through a red light at triple the speed limit. The guy whose struck you broadsided is more likely to sue you. It's a good thing you just made all that cash off of Species' stash. Hill: I don't know what you're talking about. Bell: Come on, that bike, top-end computer, new smartphone, flat-screen TV. Been spending a lot of money the last few days for an unemployed Computer Science student. Holmes: And all from selling only a fraction of the stash. And before you lodge any further protests, you're currently chatting on Everyone's Inner Sanctum, which only confirms what the N.Y.P.D.'s Computer Crimes Division uncovered. Bell: You're the hacker known as Munkey Versus Shark, you're in possession of credit card numbers illegally obtained by Errol "Species" White and you're in the process of auctioning them off on dark web internet sites. Hill: I want a lawyer. Watson: It's a good idea. Murder is a serious charge. Hill: Hey, I didn't kill Species. That was the CIA or whatever. Bell: Play it how you want but this can go two ways. You tell us your story, maybe you get off light for the theft and the credit card sales. Or we go at you for White's death, and you get to trade this private room for a shared cell. Watson: Now, that's a pretty nasty tib-fib fracture you've got. Looks like they did a double fasciotomy. You know, non-union fractures are common with that type of injury. You're gonna have to be very careful with your rehab. Bell: It's tough to do that at Riker's Island. Hill: Okay, look, it wasn't that big of a deal. After Species spilled about his stash, I got docs on him. I found out his real name, where he lived and I went by and scoped the place out. The security in his building was crap so I waited for him to go to work and then... Holmes: You broke and entered? How old-fashioned. Hill: I learned how to pick locks on YouTube. Holmes: Hmm. Hill: Look, I got in, took his laptop, every memory stick I could find and got out. But that was three weeks ago. In all that time, Species never came after me. He had no idea who ripped him off. Look, I got what I wanted. I had no reason to go back and kill the guy. Holmes: Let's say that we believe you. Who did it? Surely you and the rest of the Inner Sanctum must have a theory, beyond the CIA. Hill: Nobody knows anything solid. Except maybe Species... Bell: Explain that. Hill: Species' stash wasn't just credit card numbers. He had records of every hack he'd ever done. A list of flaws in government and corporate websites and chat logs of every online conversation he ever had. Even the ones from Inner Sanctum. Cut me loose, I'll hand over the entire thing. Holmes: Behold. Species' Stash. Watson: I was expecting a thumb-drive or an email link. Bell: Well, our tech guys say the stash includes some pretty nasty computer viruses and hacking tools. The FBI and the NSA aren't excited about letting them out into the wild. Holmes: Paper distribution is standard policy for this sort of evidence. Bell: Enjoy. Watson: There must be thousands of pages here. Holmes: Twenty-six boxes, approximately 4,000 sheets a box, that's roughly 104,000 sheets. The search will be exceedingly tedious but one must, from time to time, outwork criminals as well as outthink them. Watson: All right, we may as well get started. Holmes: Aren't you supposed to be dining with your bachelorette planning committee? Watson: No, I told them I was busy. Holmes: Your behavior has been troublingly incongruous of late. Watson: Has it? Holmes: You avoided conversation at the library the other day. Now you've come up with a feeble excuse to extricate yourself from a potentially enjoyable social engagement. Watson: We have work to do. Holmes: Your re-dedication to the detective lifestyle has been admirable. But on more than one occasion I've been forced to initiate conversation with you. You've been unsympathetic to witness and suspect alike and now you are withdrawing from long-time friendships because they are inconvenient to your mood. That doesn't work for me. Watson: That doesn't work for you? Holmes: Our relationship is predicated on one Holmes and one Watson. It's a delicate homeostasis, and it doesn't function properly if there are two Holmeses and no Watsons. So while am I sensitive that this is likely a ripple effect from the tragedy, turning yourself into me in response is not good for our partnership. Watson: I am not turning myself into you. I am finding my way through my situation. Whether or not that works for you is irrelevant. This is where I am right now and this is how I need to be. Watson: What are you doing? Holmes: I'm tapping "Wake up, Watson," in Morse code. At around 4 a.m., I noticed an odd detail in Species' chats with his fellow Inner Sanctum members. Watson: There's nothing but odd. The way they talk to each other, what they think is funny... Holmes: Are you familiar with the concept of a telegraph operator's fist? Watson: No. Holmes: A "fist" is a technical term for each telegraph operator's idiosyncratic style. How long are their dashes, how fast are their dots? During the second World War, Allied intelligence was able to identify specific German telegraph operators by their fists. While they couldn't necessarily decode the messages, they could, for example, determine at any given time where General Rommel was by searching for the fist of his telegraph operator. Watson: So you think there's something odd about the way that Species types his chat messages. Holmes: Indeed. Species has two fists. Note the carriage returns. Watson: Well, he presses "send" more often in this conversation than that one. Holmes: One-point-five times more often. And this acceleration of "sends" follows a fairly regular schedule. For approximately 12 hours on any given day, Species hits "send" about every 15 words, then suddenly for the next 12 hours, he hits "send" every 10 words. Two different fists. Watson: You think there are two different Species. Holmes: Species served as a kind of hall monitor for Everyone. Kept an eye out for over-the-line behavior. Protecting a collection of computer-addicted narcissists from itself is a 24-hour-a-day endeavor. Watson: So he split the labor. Holmes: More precisely Errol White shared the Species persona with this person. Watson: Tessee. Holmes: Tessee has the exact same fist as the second Species. Moreover, Tessee is never only when Species 2 is active. Watson: Tessee, I noticed her. Him, whatever. Tessee was all over the Everyone chat rooms after Species' death. Tessee's political, like Species, but when she posts as Tessee she's way more radical. She wants Everyone to avenge Species and she's been pushing something called "Operation Right Nut." Holmes: No one stood to gain more from Species' death than the faction which looked to politicize Everyone. They gained support. Their pet causes become the pet causes of the entire group. It's a classic false flag. The death of Species strengthens his side of the schism, while Sucking Chest Wound's anarchist faction is utterly destroyed. Watson: So in other words, you think Species was killed by Species. Franken: You think Tessee's the one who killed Species? Holmes: "Qui bono." With Species dead, Tessee benefits. His death helps her advance her agenda and pit Everyone against targets more political in nature. Watson: Framing you helps too. You didn't wanna politicize the group, you wanted more anarchy. So with you in jail, she has one less voice against her plan. Franken: Tessee's always been a little edgy. Watson: Do you know anything about her in real life? Franken: I mean, I don't even know if Tessee's a "her." She says she's 16 and lives in Manitoba but I never bought that. I mean, none of us tells the truth about that stuff. Watson: She's pushing something called Operation Right Nut. Franken: She wants to hit the Atherton Foundation. Holmes: The Atherton Foundation's a think tank. Conservative in the extreme. Franken: Tessee as Tessee's been trying to stir up a hack against Atherton for months. Operation Right Nut. Species came out against it. I'm guessing that's when Errol was at the wheel. He didn't like Atherton either but thought a hack against them would be too dangerous. Corey Evans: You said you're with the N.Y.P.D? Oh, we're big supporters of law enforcement. Holmes: You're partisan hacks who twist facts until they cohere to a pre-existing viewpoint, all whilst hiding behind the seemingly academic label of "think tank." I despise you and people of your ilk on both sides of the aisle. Watson: That said, we're here to warn you that your foundation may be the target of the hacker collective Everyone. Holmes: You might wanna get your cyber-house in order. We would hate for your carefully concealed donor lists to become public knowledge. Evans: Thank you for your concern. I'll walk you out. Watson: You're not worried? We've seen what Everyone can do. Evans: We have top flight security in place, virtual and otherwise. We can handle some computerized mob. Holmes: You know, I couldn't help but notice that many of your staff are discreetly armed. They also seem to be in very good shape. What exactly is it that you do here again? Evans: As I said, thank you for your concern. Holmes: Just got off the phone with our frenemy, Agent McNally at the NSA. He refused to discuss the Atherton Foundation. The way in which he refused to discuss it leads me to believe they do in fact have some government affiliation. Watson: Sounds like Everyone might be biting off more than they can chew. Holmes: Hmm. I owe you a bit of an apology. I attempted to express my concern for you last night but my thoughts were distorted by the lens of my own needs. It was not optimally done. Watson: Oh, that's okay. Holmes: What I was trying to say was that one of the things I've gained from our collaboration is a working definition of the word "friendship." Friendship, I've come to believe, is most accurately defined as two people moving toward the best aspects of one another. It is a relationship of mutual benefit, mutual gain. Another thing I've learned is that my isolationist tendencies are decidedly not my best quality. I am not a better person because of a lack of connection. So I think the healthy thing is for you not to move in my direction. In fact, quite the opposite. Watson: That's worth thinking about. Holmes: Yeah. Watson: Once we find Tessee, of course. Holmes: Species' murderous protégée is proving elusive. Watson: Then I say we make Tessee come to us. Now, Tessee uses this catchphrase whenever he or she enters "A.O.R." I dug around a bit and found a post where it was explained. It means, "Ariel. Ookla. Ride." Holmes: Those words supposed to mean something? Watons: It's the battle cry of Thundarr the Barbarian. He's a cartoon character from the '80s. My brother was a huge fan. Holmes: As is Tessee. Watson: Not just a fan, but a serious collector of Thundarr memorabilia. Now look at this user on this Thundarr fan board. Now Mok Princess uses the same profile picture as Tessee and has the same fist. Holmes: Mok Princess is Tessee. Watson: Exactly. And, from what I've read, is obsessed with obtaining a limited edition Ookla the Mok lunchbox. Holmes: You have a plan? Watson: On the Everyone sites, they're always talking about how the most powerful hack is social engineering, tricking people into doing what you want. So all I have to do is post on this fan board how I found my childhood Ookla the Mok lunchbox while I was cleaning my parents' place out. I'll say that I don't want it, but I'm willing to give it away to the first person who meets me and asks me for it. Holmes: Do you, in fact, have an Ookla lunchbox? Watson: I don't need one. The promise will lure people to a public place where I can get a good look at them, maybe even sneak a picture. I'll tell them I already gave the lunchbox away but that I think my brother might still have his. All they have to do is leave me their contact info and I'll get in touch. So the question is, how bad does Tessee want that lunchbox? Holmes: Brady Dietz, 29 years old, single and fond of cartoon barbarians. But you knew that already. Watson: You forgot socially awkward and vaguely creepy. Holmes: Dietz studied information technology at Binghamton Polytechnic until he was expelled for hacking their computer system and altering his friends' grades. One of a handful of infractions, all involving computers, none of which has stopped him finding steady work as a freelance programmer. Watson: He fits the profile. Holmes: Hmm, to a T. He also works from his home in Brooklyn. Watson: Excuse me, Brady. Brady Dietz: You're the lunchbox lady. Who's he? Holmes: Oh, you and I are old friends. You once had me defend the romantic interests of a fictional werewolf. Dietz: I don't know what you're talking about. Holmes: I think you do Tessee. Or do you prefer Mok Princess or Species? Anything other than Brady Dietz, I imagine. Dietz: Leave me alone. Watson: We're with the N.Y.P.D., you're gonna have to speak with us. Dietz: No. Go away. Holmes: Why did you kill Errol White? Hmm? Was it as simple as a philosophical gap? Must've been friends at some point. You shared the Species handle. Did you meet to discuss your differences in person? Watson: You're not very good in person, are you? Maybe he intimidated you, got physical so you grabbed the sword. Where were you on Thursday night? Dietz: Uh, I was online, video chatting with my girlfriend. She's from Manitoba. Holmes: What did you do with the Japanese short sword? Is it in your apartment, hidden under the mattress, perhaps? Dietz: I don't have it. Agent Branch: FBI. Please step away from Mr. Dietz. Watson: We're with the N.Y.P.D. Branch: I know who you are, Ms. Watson, Mr. Holmes. Holmes: You seem to have us at a disadvantage, Agent? Branch: Branch. Holmes: Did he just text you? Dietz: Get in the car, Brady. Watson: He's a murder suspect. We need to talk to him. Watson: I can't allow that. Mr. Dietz is part of an ongoing FBI investigation. Holmes: He's an informant against Everyone. Your pet rat has just killed a man, Errol White. They shared an online identity, right up until the murder. Branch: And when did this happen? Watson: Thursday night, between 7 and 8:30. Branch: Brady was with me from 6 to 9 on Thursday. He was giving me an update. I'm sorry, you're done with him. Watson: What the hell was that? Holmes: That was the FBI alibi-ing our best suspect. Captain Gregson: The FBI Agent Branch. You think she lied to you? Holmes: In order to alibi Brady Dietz. Most likely because she doesn't want to give up a key asset in her investigation into Everyone. Watson: Yeah, we were hoping you could call someone at the Bureau, put pressure on Branch. Gregson: It's not that simple. You're asking me to accuse a federal agent of covering up a murder. Holmes: Because she did. Brady Dietz killed Errol White. We're certain of it. Gregson: Why? So he could sic Everyone on some think tank no one's ever heard of? Holmes: As I mentioned, we have reason to believe that Atherton has some covert government connection. Gregson: Look, you bring me solid evidence, establish probable cause I'll put cuffs on God himself but until then, there's nothing I can do. Watson: Well, he has a point. I mean, why would an FBI agent let Everyone hack into a government front? Maybe she didn't know about it. Holmes: Oh, she must. It's no secret that Dietz as Tessee has been agitating for Operation Right Nut. If Branch is letting it proceed, it's because she wants it to proceed. Question is, why? Watson: Hey, I'm gonna call out for Thai. Do you want anything? Oh, hi. I didn't realize we had company. Mr. Briggs: Briggs. Forensic accounting. Watson: Okay, do you want Thai? Holmes: You've met Briggs. Very good. There is no one better digging into the marrow of a company. I asked him to have a look at the inner workings of the Atherton Foundation. Watson: Well, did he find anything? Holmes: The long and the short of it is, much of the money to fund Atherton came from Wayne Vachs. Watson: As in Vachs Geological? Holmes: Miner of rare earth, fracker of oil, and champion of conservative politics. Now, Vachs founded Atherton. Atherton, in turn, helped forge the Domestic Security Alliance Council, or D-SAC. It's a federal office, which helps coordinate FBI and Homeland Security investigations with the internal security departments of major U.S. Corporations. Watson: Well, that sounds vaguely sinister. Holmes: Observe, the flow of funds from Atherton to D-SAC and vice versa. Watson: You can read this? Holmes: While Atherton initially advocated for and helped fund D-SAC, seems in the last year the flow of funds has reversed itself. Watson: So you think D-SAC is paying Atherton for something. Holmes: D-SAC and, by extension, the FBI and Homeland Security have contracted Atherton for classified data analysis related to counter-terrorism. Hence the armed agents I observed at their offices. Watson: So if Everyone breaks into Atherton's computers, steals their data and puts it on the net... Holmes: They won't just be embarrassing a group of right wing intellectuals, they'll be publishing government secrets. Watson: You think this is what Branch wants? Holmes: Everyone's bursts of hacktivism have become quite the thorn in the side of various powerful entities. Unfortunately for Agent Branch, Errol "Species" White made sure that the collective's crimes never amounted to more than misdemeanors. Watson: Now White is dead and Brady Dietz is leading Everyone off a cliff. Holmes: If Everyone hacks Atherton, they will fall under the purview of the government's RICO statutes and their group will be broken asunder. Watson: And Branch will get credit as the FBI agent who brought them all down. Holmes: Thus reaping the governmental and corporate benefits of same. Meteoric rise at the bureau, lucrative private sector job, she'll have her pick. Apparently she's willing to protect a killer to make that happen. Watson: Too bad this is conjecture. Can't prove anything. Holmes: Agent Branch's obstructionism has served its purpose. We cannot tie Brady Dietz to Errol White's murder. Unless Agent Branch does it for us. Watson: But why would she do that? Holmes: That's why Mr. Briggs is still here. His next task is to look into Ms. Branch's personal finances. Holmes: Agent Branch. There's something you and I need to discuss, your agenda, with regards to Everyone. Branch: You think I'm helping a killer just so I can pad my resume? That's a hell of a theory. Holmes: Well, it's the only explanation that supports all the discernible facts. Branch: Must be frustrating. Knowing that you can't prove any of it. Holmes: I might never be able to bring to light your machinations against Everyone but that's not my primary concern. I wish to bring Brady Dietz to justice. That I can achieve once you provide me with the murder weapon. Branch: Now you're living in fantasyland. Holmes: I'm quite certain that you've got the wakizashi stashed somewhere. It's the only way to ensure your mole's cooperation and protect him long enough to complete his mission. Surrender it and I won't tell the FBI about your nanny. Branch: My nanny? Holmes: She's Tibetan, is she not? Branch: What does that have to do with anything? Holmes: Well, Tibetan nannies are all the rage with well-heeled New Yorkers, but they are rather pricey for a federal employee. A forensic accountant, however, informs me that you have found a discount alternative. Hire one without the legal right to work in the U.S. and you pay her a fraction of the price. That's just the kind of detail that could derail a promising career in law enforcement. Branch: So instead, I'm just supposed to admit to obstruction of justice. Holmes: Tip the police anonymously to the weapon's whereabouts. No doubt Dietz, once arrested, will cry cover-up but I'm confident that's gonna be dismissed as ranting. There's really no point in protecting him anyway. I've warned Everyone that hacking Atherton would be their death knell. They're moving on to more amusing targets. Surrender the weapon, you could still come out of this with your career intact. You could still fulfill your ambitions. You just won't be able to do it by duping Everyone into committing treason. Newscaster: N.Y.P.D. investigators arrested Brady Dietz of Brooklyn in the so-called Hacker Killer murder of Errol White. Watson: It's done? Holmes: The blood-stained short sword bearing Brady Dietz's prints was delivered to the N.Y.P.D. by an anonymous source two hours ago. Initially, Dietz claimed he'd been framed by the FBI, but when he realized it wasn't gonna work, he confessed. Watson: Did he say what actually happened the night of the murder? Holmes: Errol White grew suspicious that Dietz was conspiring with outside forces to bring down Everyone. There was confrontation, things turned violent. Dietz claims he acted in self-defense. Watson: And Agent Branch just walks. Holmes: Maybe she'll find being on the wrong side of Everyone to be its own punishment. Going out? Watson: Oh, yeah. I called Marnie. I told her I'd rejoin the bridal party. I mean I still think it's silly that we're all acting like we're in college, but I thought it would be good for me to connect with my fellow humans. Holmes: Well, enjoy yourself, Watson. Watson: I'll try, Holmes. Category:Transcripts